Victorian vs. Contemporary: Female/Female and Male/Male Relationships

Even in this contemporary age, interactions between women and interactions between men differ. Women can be closer and more affectionate than men can be with other men, without being accused of being gay. This reaches back to the Victorian era when women were often depicted in fashion plates with arms intertwined, and in poses that could be construed as intimate, while there was no male equivalent. These concepts led to differences in the way that male-male relationships and female-female relationships are viewed.

Someone in class brought up how he and one of his male friends went out to dinner on Valentine’s Day one year, and some other people assumed that they were out on a date. While there was nothing that would technically suggest that they were on a date, it was assumed because they were both male and did not have any other friends with them.  Conversely, when my girlfriend and I go out to eat, or to a movie or some other date, most people don’t assume we are a couple. We can hold hands, sit on the same side of the table, or pay for each the other’s meal and still be deemed as “straight” friends. I think this is a good example of how our codes for femininity are not much different from Victorian codes, in that they both under-sexualize female relationships.

Nearly the only time female-female relationships are depicted as sexual in contemporary times is in pornography; however, they are often hypersexualized, and only viewed in certain circumstances.  Female-female pornography is only viewed if the women are both stereotypically feminine; female-female pornography generally doesn’t depict a feminine woman with a masculine woman, or two masculine women. In Victorian women’s magazines, the whipping of girls by older women had erotic undertones, that were often reprinted or were inspiration for pornography magazines. These women were always dressed in the fashion of the time, and were not considered “masculine.” People often argue that female-female relationships are more “accepted” by society than male-male relationships, when it really has more to do with our codes for femininity and masculinity. They are more “accepted” because they are either under-sexualized, or hyper-sexualized.

Male-male relationships are seen as less accepted by society because we still have strict gender roles, and many of these relationships don’t adhere to these roles, but also cannot be seen as “friendship” like the female-female equivalent. Our emphasis on hyper-masculinity affects our perception of these relationships and how they are presented by society. A difference between male-male relationships and female-female relationships is that male-male pornography has more variety in the masculinity of those involved. There can be two masculine men, or two feminine men, or a combination of both. While men often arguably have stricter gender roles to adhere to, the way we treat homosexual relationships of each gender differs. These social codes are similar to those from Victorian times, due to the focus on hyper-masculinity. However, due to the lack of a specific homosexual identity in the Victorian era, it is possible to analyze the differences between each society as well.  

All of the above exemplifies how Victorian and contemporary perceptions of interactions between women and men affect perceptions of female-female and male-male relationships, and the similarities and differences between each society’s model.

Fashion Plates and Instagram Accounts

            In chapter three of Sharon Marcus’ “Between Women” reading, she spends a majority of the text discussing the social principles surrounding fashion plates. Specifically, she analyzed the inherent homoeroticism found in these plates and how Victorian women viewed them. This homoeroticism did not mean that all Victorian women were suffering from repressed homosexuality, but rather it is an example of a seemingly different system of gender roles and feminine ideals than the ones we hold today. However, I think a similar concept can be found in our current society.

            After we discussed the fashion plates in class, I realized how easily this concept can be tied to the way women interact with Instagram, specifically accounts focused on fashion, beauty/make-up, and modeling. A common theme that I have heard my heterosexual female friends joke about is that they spend more time looking at women on Instagram than men; not because they identify as queer, but rather in aesthetic admiration. While this sentiment may be shared among many women, I think that Marcus’ in-depth analysis of why women interacted with fashion plates the way they did can be transferred into why women obsess over other women online.

            Just as in Victorian times, a hallmark of contemporary femininity is the admiration of other women who might represent a more “ideal” version of femininity. This is sometimes known as an innocent “girl crush” by heterosexual women, however, it is evident that there is often a gray area between wanting to be like another woman and wanting to be with another woman. Nevertheless, these “crushes” are normalized by our heteronormative society, much like how women were expected to act in Victorian times.

            Even the fact that Instagram photos are small, simple images reflects their similarity to fashion plates. Whether the focus is fashion, beauty, or the woman herself, Instagram provides a perfect opportunity to observe and admire other women from a place of anonymity. Just as fashion plates reflected this concept of voyeurism by showing images of a woman gazing at another woman without her noticing, with Instagram someone can view as many photos of a single person or many people as they want without anyone ever knowing. This anonymity is more important now than in the Victorian era, because now we have specific identities for women who exhibit what we would consider homosexual behavior.  

            In a more problematic connection, both fashion plates and Instagram photos emphasize strict regulations for female fashion. They also both exhibit the connection between fashion and social class. In Victorian times, fashion plates depicted clothes and trends that were most accessible to aristocratic women. Now, the most followed fashion/beauty/model Instagram accounts are typically upper class white women advertising the current styles and trends. In both time periods, fashion represents the “ideal”, which makes it inherently exclusionary to people who either physically or financially can’t attain the levels of beauty found in these images.

            Just as Marcus analyzed the sociocultural aspects behind fashion plates, it is possible to view Instagram photos through a similar lens that focuses on female homoeroticism, gender roles, and social codes. Through this, it can be seen that certain aspects of Victorian sexuality have not progressed as much as we think they have in contemporary society.

Race and Sexuality

            In the world we live in today, yes even in 2017, there is still stigma attached to interracial relationships. The stereotypes placed on, not only black and white people in relationships, but also people that are Asian or Latino as well. These stereotypes go along with sex that makes experimentation and fetishizing men and women of other races a real and prominent thing in our culture that goes beyond that of respec. Asking someone in a biracial relationship questions about their sexual practices or genitalia further insinuates these stereotypes that make it seem that that person is only interested in the sexual components of the relationship. While sex may be an important part of a relationship, it should not be the only incentive for the relationship.

            There are also questions still being asked, maybe by someone older in your family or a more conservative person that wants to know why you want to be with someone outside of your race. When first entering into my relationship, some older people in my family told me that I should stay within my own race and my personal favorite, “if God wanted all of us to mix that he would have made us the same color.” Not the fact that it is simply a pigment in our skin but the fact that we are like two different species in general. This was only four years ago. I don’t understand why it is still such a big deal considering that our former president was a product of a biracial relationship. Instead of worrying about what your parents or your family will think or how people will view your relationship, worry about what will make you the happiest and deciding for yourself what you want in life.

            We have come a long way in this country since that of Jim Crow and Black Codes that outlawed interracial marriage and relationships with differentiation from state to state specifically in the South. This was so until 1967 with the Supreme Court Ruling of Love v. Virginia that invalidated anti-miscegenation laws. This was the last thing to fall when dealing with segregation within our political system because anything to do with sex or marriage is the most taboo topics related to the subject, this still holds true even with the recent ruling of Obergefell v. Hodges in ruling that gay marriage. In some religious circumstances interracial marriage is not welcome, one specifically in Pike County, Kentucky. Therefore, we cannot expect that being in an interracial relationship suddenly fix the deep embedded racism that we have in American society and people in interracial relationships acknowledge that, including myself, especially in a more rural setting that we are both originally from. When we take trips home we see the glares and hear the whispers when we are out in public. We acknowledge that some people still have issues even within our own families, however, that has not changed anything. Even though society as a whole has come a long way, race should not even be considered in relationships, but it is. Being able to talk about and acknowledge the different walks of life the other might have gone through can help us grow as people and think about things from different perspectives.